you ask me, it's all copycat bullshit yelena says you woulda charred saber, they torch the bodies misty stands trial for poisoning? they sprinkle that shit into betty's soup everyone talks about castiel, lanfear's the next passion project
maybe they're just laughing their asses off at us saying we didn't solve a single damn one of those murders or just screwing with us til we doubt we did
SHORT ANSWER 101: F: "um, poison?" groundbreaking stuff, genius. your body's here, but your brain's checked out on summer vacation.
LISTENING SKILLS: F.i know it's hard to hear me over how beautiful my tits are and how fat my ass is, but listen up. god gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. one should stay shut unless you're using it to make someone else scream. the other two? keep 'em open.
SIMPERY (HEROICS & HORNINESS): C+. point deduction for skipping out on simp soup duty & trying to croak first. points awarded for: trying to save your girl, bitching out saber, fantasies about women who could go preying mantis on your ass. pump those numbers up, baby. i believe in you.
LOYALTY:A-. house and crate-trained. good puppy. waits for instructions, likes a leash, but shops his men on a beer budget (needs work). recommendation: stay obedient, it's sexy. (🐶 who's a good boy?)
PYROTECHNICS:A. hot. like, literally. still waiting for you to do the work of doubling as a tanning booth. would pay cash money to watch saber's dick melt into goo. you'd be doing feminism a favor.
⭐ GPA: D+ (graded on a cute curve)
TEACHER COMMENTS: listening skills are tragic and require significant improvement, but responds well to praise and threats. cooperative, excellent attendance, a pleasure to have in class. demonstrates consistent effort, even when the effort is his own death wish. behavioral issues (inability to shut the fuck up and save his own ass). see miss mikheeva after class for your next extra credit assignment 💋
YOUR HOMEWORK: don't fucking die don't do the martyr act for these pricks & spread the word if you got connections to back your vote
armand's got the same lil fanclub danny's got going on my word doesn't count for shit to em we just have to get some pull with anyone who isn't sucking him off
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2/2
but looks like someone bridal carried betty to the pit
probably after they put her down
( after a second of nearly sympathy heaving: )
oh yeah. soup worked its magic btw
100% poison
wanna take a swing at what they peppered into betty's soup?
no subject
poison?
[ 😔 ]
oh
you mean
what misty used before?
the plant???
caroline thought we had a copy cat killer
1/2
2/3 jk i lied
congrats on being the shining star of ani's summer school
scribble this down in your notes, k? it's called
FOXGLOVE
3/3
yelena says you woulda charred saber, they torch the bodies
misty stands trial for poisoning? they sprinkle that shit into betty's soup
everyone talks about castiel, lanfear's the next passion project
maybe they're just laughing their asses off at us
saying we didn't solve a single damn one of those murders
or just screwing with us til we doubt we did
no subject
it sounds like tinkerbell kind of stuff
but poison obviously
[ twee fairy ass poison plants ]
okay i’m going on record with you privately that i would have melted them
it’s not like stephen king style with the fire
but i’m with you
okay
(and i think wanda will vote for armand with us instead of for herself btw thanks for the notes)
what do we do now?
1/3 permanently spamming your inbox i'm only half sorry
cuz it's been said a MILLION FUCKING TIMES ALREADY???
just an educational guess tho
( ani mikheeva officially back on suicide watch, homicide watch, and everything in-between. )
2/3
GRADES
⭐ GPA: D+ (graded on a cute curve)
3/3
don't fucking die
don't do the martyr act for these pricks
& spread the word if you got connections to back your vote
armand's got the same lil fanclub danny's got going on
my word doesn't count for shit to em
we just have to get some pull with anyone who isn't sucking him off
🎀
yes ma’am
🫡