SALTBURNT AU INBOX.

[haggle]

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LARK

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Comments

[haggle]

koby you're the closest i'll ever come to a legacy

damn. guess you put her man's loyalty through the paces for her
she know? cause if you did that shit to me before the divorce papers were dry i would've helped you pick your funeral outfit
then pushed you off a balcony. with love, babe 💕

write that into my next vows. penthouses mean anal. love is real, lube is kind
if the government official is embry "stick up his ass" moore??? yeah
don't worry honey i'll steal it back for you

[kobes]

you're written into my memoirs already bitch
taught me everything i know xoxo

uhhhhhhhh
i think he probably mentioned it?
she knew he was gay. like super gay. so it was different.
like if i'd fucked around with fp before you guys were officially exes, balcony murder would be totally valid.

[fucking around with danny is different, actually.]

i'll write it in my diary for you 😘😘😘
damn. it'll be worth it, i guess.
i could just stay here until alvida drags me back.

[haggle]

send me the adoption papers already dude
koby mikheeva is a star's name

lol you would've been doing me a favor tbh
my homewrecking hero
fp's dick is the only thing that kept that marriage alive

stay forever
i bet i could take alvida's puny ass

[kobes]

we're literally the same age, babe
yeah, a real specific kinda star iykwim 😏😏😏

god don't i know it
think he realigned my chakras or something last time 😩😩😩
put a pin in that tho if u ever need a homewrecker i'm ur man

[a bolt of panic like metal in his mouth, pennies on his tongue, at the idea of alvida anywhere near anyone he gives a shit about.]

fuck yeah you could you're a goddamn beast, sweetie
but i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy lmfao

[haggle]

you're literally a baby, dude
i'm a mature woman with two and a half ex-husbands and two kids i disappoint daily

now you sound like jennie
enlightenment through dick
too bad i'm real good at wrecking my homes on my own

yeah so?
i wouldn’t wish fp's emotional damage on my worst fuckin enemy and you're still sucking him off
so idk maybe you like recreational brain damage or whatever?
tell her i'm filing for custody 💋
i've been good lately. judges eat that shit up

[kobes]

i'm so grown i'm like
world weary
jaded by life and shit
i could've been married like 15 times
in ur defense your ex-kids are assholes, so ❤️

that's feminism anicakes
you can fuck your own shit up, it's the new millennium
but like if u needed an out i gotchu ok?

he's easy. i like easy.
i like sucking someone off and not thinking about how much i gotta charge them at the end, i guess.
ok i'll write her a dear john letter or like
dear not-mom fuck u very much xoxo
and yeah, you're practically jackie kennedy, babes.