SALTBURNT AU (FOR JUNE).

[haggle]

ANORA MIKHEEVA

💋 SALTBURNT'S OWN MARILYN MONROE

The entertainment who never left. (Except for that one rehab stint, but don't ask her about it.)

The story goes like this: last year, she was brought in to sing at a birthday party, barefoot on the ballroom's piano, red silk dress like a cherry stain against the keys. No one remembers whose birthday it was, only how her voice made everyone stop, listen, and weep. Now she's a permanent fixture as the manor’s glamour girl, champagne glass in hand, heartbreak behind the eyes.

She's not exactly staff, or family — she's not even a proper guest anymore. She's kept, draped across sofas in silk robes and backless gowns, preserved like something beautiful and sad in amber. She's been married (and divorced) three times already despite being only 24 — her most recent to football darling FP Jones, a scandalous union that lasted ten months before it crashed and burn, just like the rest.

People call her the estate’s most public secret — all painted lips and mascara tears — always invited, never on the official guest list. She's always rumored to be someone's mistress, everyone's mistake, and no one's wife anymore.

Lately, the gossip's turned global. They say she's caught the eye of the American President — not in any official capacity, of course, but he’s been seen more than once with a hand at the small of her back.



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BACKSTORY:




Before Saltburnt, she had a name on marquees.

A West End darling by eighteen, Ani was discovered in a Soho jazz bar by a retired producer who liked the way she sang sultry torch songs like they were tragic confessions. He elevated her until she was playing the doomed ingenue on London's stage, always dying by Act Two, while the world fell in love with her sadness. Audiences wept, critics swooned — and eventually, Hollywood called.

And, for a while, it was everything Ani had ever dreamed.

She was named the next big thing, put in cover shoots, perfume campaigns, cast in femme fatale roles as a silver screen siren. Her voice had rasp, her face had softness, and her body was a weapon. She wanted love, but she kept getting cast in tragedies.

The industry used her up fast. Said she was "difficult" when she cried too much, "unstable" when she wanted to be understood and held, "done" and tired by the time she turned twenty-four, a star that burned up bright — and too fast. A few high-profile breakups followed, then a leaked tape, then rehab rumors. For Ani, the heartbreak has always been louder than the applause.






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RUMORS:




🦋 She makes extra money ‘reading fortunes’ in lingerie. It’s just her guessing how you’ll die, but sexy.

🦋 She got kicked out of BAFTA night for saying the Best Actress should’ve gone to her sex tape. After the leaked tape scandal, she hosted a ‘leaked tape’ viewing party where she live-commented on every frame.

🦋 Says she perfected her Russian just to insult people beautifully. Over brunch, she once told a guest, “Разговор с тобой как секс без лубриканта — долго, больно, и зачем вообще?”

🦋 Rumor has it she ghostwrites breakup texts for the wealthy. Her clients include at least two exes who swear by her ‘viciously poetic cruelty.’

🦋 Every time she gets sad, someone at Saltburnt proposes to her. She’s said yes five times, then ghosted.

🦋 She once asked someone to marry her during sex, then forgot by morning.

🦋 She keeps a gun in her garter. It's rhinestoned. Safety off.

🦋 She fakes being drunk so people will tell her secrets, then she sells them. She once made 40k in hush money after a New Year’s party. Someone’s senator uncle never came back to Saltburnt.

🦋 She faked her death last year for attention. Threw a party the day after her ‘funeral.’

🦋 She said she doesn’t sleep around. She just doesn’t like sleeping alone.

🦋 A writer claims she left teeth marks on the inside of his thigh and never gave him her name. He’s been trying to find her for two years.

🦋 She once sold a kiss for $10,000. Said the man overpaid. He disagreed.

🦋 Someone said she keeps her exes’ teeth in a Cartier box. She says that’s ‘a cruel exaggeration. It’s a Tiffany’s box.’

🦋 She’s rumored to keep a scrapbook of all the men who left her, complete with receipts from expensive dinners she made them pay for.

🦋 When asked about her multiple marriages, she said, ‘I’m collecting husbands like they’re vintage Chanel — worth it if you know how to resell.’






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IMPORTANT CONNECTIONS:




ASH COLCHESTER — JFK to her Marilyn. Secretive affair, doomed.
DANNY JOHNSON — former step-kid #2, mommy attachment issues.
EMBRY MOORE — RFK to her Marilyn. Twice as doomed.
FP JONES — Ex-husband #3. Married fast, divorced just as quick. Volatile.
HENRY WRIGHT — week-long whirlwind fling; he proposed, she ghosted.
JAKE SERESIN — Ex-husband #1, the marriage that ruined her for all the rest.
JEM WALKER — former step-kid #1.
HOMELANDER ("JOHN SMITH") — former Hollywood PR relationship, considered the press' "golden couple".
RICHARD GECKO — fixer of her (constant) messes.
ROZA MOREAU — patron of Roza's performing arts; pays her to dance for her some nights, always cries.
SAM CARPENTER — former bodyguard, turned best friend.
SHADOWHEART — ex-fling.





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OTHER NOTES:




🦋 Can apply a full face of glam in 8 minutes flat, blackout drunk, in the dark.

🦋 Excellent dancer — muscle memory from a life she doesn’t quite recall.

🦋 Owns four passports. Only one of them is real.

🦋 Can hotwire a car in under five minutes — “just in case.”

🦋 Speaks English, Russian, and enough French to fake innocence.

🦋 Rumored to have been gifted a government-grade burner phone.

🦋 Can change her accent mid-sentence. Uses this to confuse journalists, lovers, and waitstaff.

🦋 Can get blood out of silk. Won’t say how.






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VISUALS:


PINTEREST BOARD TBD.

Comments

CONNECTIONS RUMORS.

[haggle]

ASH COLCHESTER.

🦅 Ani’s name is never uttered near Ash’s staff — but the air goes cold the moment her scent drifts through the Oval Office vents.

🦅 There’s a legend that Ash once ordered a custom-made leather restraint for private use — etched with Ani’s initials and locked with a presidential seal.

🦅 Ani once showed up at a state dinner wearing a dress identical to Jackie Kennedy’s most famous gown — but dyed midnight black, leaving whispers swirling, tabloids on fire, and aides scrambling.

🦅 Ash reportedly marks Ani with a signature scent — his cologne, heavy and dark — so no one else will ever mistake her for anyone else’s.

🦅 Ash’s aides are notoriously protective of Ani when she's around, as though she wields the real power behind the scenes.

EMBRY MOORE.

🦅 Rumor has it Embry Moore paid for her rehab stay — not because he cared, but because he wanted her secrets locked up tight.

🦅 She once threw a crystal champagne flute at Embry Moore during a heated argument. It shattered on his jaw, and he still didn’t apologize. No one knows what the argument was over, only that they overheard her call him a ‘sad little prick in expensive shoes.’ He hasn't worn that brand since.

🦅 Staff claim to have overheard Embry pleading with Ani in a rare moment of vulnerability: “Play your part. Just this once. For Ash.” Ani reportedly shot back, “I’m no one’s bitch. Least of all yours.”

🦅 Rumor says Embry’s whispered threats to Ani include: “One slip, and your face’s on every headline — I’m not bluffing.” She only laughed, called him “cute” and poured champagne on his suit.

🦅 “She’s Ash’s Marilyn,” the tabloids say, “and Embry’s the bodyguard who wishes he could be the lover instead.”

🦅 She climbed into the wrong bed on purpose. That bed? Embry’s. That night? A gala night. He slept on the floor, they said — but the next morning, he had scratch marks down his back.

🦅 Guests say Embry was spotted slipping a note under Ani’s door. Minutes later, she tore it up, lit it on fire, and slid it back under his.

FP JONES.

📸 She once sobbed into FP Jones’ shoulder, swearing she’d never love again — then married him two months later. The marriage lasted 10 months. She allegedly married him during a blackout and said, “If I wake up married, I’ll just make it work.” It did not work.

📸 FP said he liked her because she made him feel young again. She said she liked him because he made her feel like Anna Nicole.

📸 Their first tabloid cover read ‘Age is Just a Number.’ Their last? ‘What Was She Running From?’

📸 A waiter once overheard FP saying, “You’re still in love with him.” Ani stirred her martini and said, “I loved him more when he had less money.”

📸 When asked if she regrets marrying FP, Ani reportedly laughed and said, “No. I regret not fighting harder.” Then she lit a cigarette and wouldn’t elaborate.

HENRY WRIGHT.

🚬 Guests claim they once played poker together. Ani won. Her prize? One favor. She hasn’t cashed it in — yet. That’s what scares him.

🚬 “She left during dinner,” said one staffer. “Just stood, smiled, kissed his cheek and said, "Tell Fat Larry I’ll miss him.” Henry didn’t finish his wine.

🚬 When asked if he missed her, Henry once said, “I miss the peace I had before I met her.” Then he smiled like that was the funniest fucking joke he’d ever heard.

🚬 When asked why she left him during an interview, Ani reportedly said, “Because he wanted forever and I wanted dessert.”

🚬 Henry once asked if she wanted him to take care of someone. She said, “No, I’m saving that for my birthday.”

🚬 Henry called her “my girl” for a week straight. My girl’s got a temper. My girl likes her wine cold and her enemies colder. He didn’t stop until she sent back the ring in a champagne flute.

🚬 She taught the dogs how to bark on command in Russian. He taught her how to hotwire a Bentley. Everyone agrees they were terrifyingly compatible. Henry’s dogs still get excited whenever they hear stilettos.

JAKE SERESIN.

💍 Jake refuses to call her his ex-wife — that’s how the rumor started among guests: maybe their divorce was never legally finalized? No one really knows for sure, but everyone knows Ani never stopped saying “I do” to the men who came after.

💍 Some say she keeps marrying new ones just to piss Jake off. Others think she’s still in love with him. Another guest joked Saltburnt is the only place someone can accidentally become polyamorous.

Her defense, when asked if the rumor’s true? “Who cares? Bigamy’s only a crime if you file taxes, anyway.”

💍 There’s a running joke that Jake’s the “official reason” Ani’s got a black book thicker than the manor’s guest list — each name a failed attempt to fill a void he left, so big it needs a spreadsheet.

💍 She keeps a locked drawer full of his old cologne bottles — says the scent’s the only thing that ever really smelled like home.

💍 She still answers the phone as Mrs. Seresin, but only when she's tragically (emphasis on tragically) drunk.

JOHN SMITH.

💋 They say it was PR. Then they showed up to the Oscars looking like a fuck-scene in gold silk. Her lipstick matched the hickeys on his throat. Nobody asked about the PR thing again.

💋 They were crowned Hollywood’s Golden Couple after attending the Met Gala dressed as “Heaven and Hell.” He wore all white. She wore red latex and no bra.

💋 He bought the rights to her favorite song just so no one else could use it in a film. She sent him 300 roses in return.

💋 She punched him once at a fundraiser. Allegedly, over a joke he made about her not being able to spell 'philanthropy'. A server swears they saw him bleeding from the mouth and smiling like it turned him on.

💋 He brought her to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. She made a joke about assassinating the president. He laughed like he’d never heard a joke before.

💋 Rumors of an open relationship swirled. She was spotted with a French director. He was spotted brooding on a penthouse balcony at 4 am.

💋 Despite everything, they still speak kindly of each other in interviews. He calls her “a force of nature.” She calls him “a modern day Hercules.” The affection? Surprisingly real. The love? Surprisingly staged. The sex? Allegedly... destructive.

💋 Their last public appearance was at the Academy Awards. He presented an award. She wore a dress made of golden chains. They hugged. She whispered something in his ear. He didn’t stop smiling for 46 seconds.

💋 When they "broke up", she crashed the Vogue cover shoot he was doing — wearing his shirt and nothing else. The editor published it anyway. Headline? "The Devastating Romance of Mr. and Mrs. America."

💋 There’s still one photograph of Ani in his wallet. A candid of her laughing on the beach, sunburnt, holding a beer and flipping off the camera. The ring on her finger isn’t his.

RICHARD GECKO.

🐍 "He cleans up her messes," the stories say. But no one’s sure if that means crime scenes, exes, or emotional breakdowns in the wine cellar.

🐍 They say Richard’s the only one who knows where Ani’s bodies are buried. Literally. Metaphorically. Emotionally. In all cases, he dug the hole.

🐍 Rumor says Richard burned a memory card for her. What was on it? No one knows. What was left behind? Just enough leverage to shut a senator up.

🐍 Guests at Saltburnt talk about the night Ani went quiet — just once. Gecko walked her out of the ballroom like a shadow. The next morning, someone’s blackmail folder mysteriously disappeared, and their name was never spoken again.

RUPERT GILES.

📚 One morning, Ani was spotted sneaking out of Giles’ guest suite wearing one of his Oxford shirts and humming some tragic-sounding ballad in Russian. He later claimed she “just needed somewhere quiet to sleep.”

📚 During dinner, Giles lit her cigarette for her and Ani licked her lips after every drag. Jonty said it was “like watching a Jane Austen novel be filmed by a French porn director.”

📚 Portia said they had a moment in the rose garden — Ani in her fur stole, Giles with a book in hand. She took the book from him, dropped it, and said something about how she’d rather be read.

📚 She's told everyone he'll be her next husband. When asked why, she said, “I don't know, he looks like he’d ruin my credit in a really hot way.”

📚He gave her a book of Shakespeare’s sonnets. She returned it with lipstick on every line about lust and death.

📚 She calls him “Professor,” even though no one knows if he’s actually teaching. He never corrects her. Just adjusts his glasses and changes the subject.

📚 She likes older men, and Rupert doesn’t flinch when she cries. That’s what started the whispers — not the hand on the small of her back, not the cigarette she lit off his, not even the time she called him Daddy by accident at the dinner table and then didn’t correct herself.

📚 Her first nervous breakdown at Saltburnt happened in Giles’ study. She broke a decanter and wept into his sweater vest. He didn’t say a word — just handed her a pen and said, "write it down."

SAM CARPENTER.

🖤 Sam Carpenter was hired to protect Ani. Now she just dares people to try her. First hired back when Ani started dating powerful men, Sam stuck around long after the contract ended. Some say it’s loyalty. Others say it’s unfinished business.

🖤 She’s the only one who’s punched a paparazzo for getting too close. The photo was blurry, but it looked a lot like Ani was laughing behind her hand while Sam broke the guy’s camera.

🖤 Sam’s been to every wedding Ani's ever held. She wore black to the second one, stood stone-faced at the altar during the third, and didn’t clap when Ani kissed FP Jones. When asked about it, she just said: “Didn’t like the groom.”

🖤 Sam once said Ani was “the most dangerous person she’s ever protected.” When asked what made Ani so dangerous, she just grinned. “You haven’t seen her mad.”

🖤 When Ani disappeared for two weeks, Sam was the one who found her. No one knows where they went. When they came back, Ani was tanned, barefoot, and wearing Sam’s leather jacket.

🖤 They shared a hotel suite in Paris for six weeks. Two bedrooms, allegedly. But only one ever got turndown service.

🖤 Sam and Ani have a private language — a mix of Russian and Spanish insults, code words, and dirty jokes — that no one else understands. If you hear Ani suddenly laugh at a weird phrase, it’s probably Sam texting her.

SHADOWHEART.

🦋 They were ‘wellness engaged’ for three weeks — Shadowheart gave Ani a yoni crystal as a promise ring. Ani put it on a chain and wore it as a necklace.

🦋 Someone swears Ani once whispered, “We should’ve just fucked forever and opened a juice bar,” before passing out in Shadowheart’s arms at a party. Shadowheart never let go.

🦋 Rumor has it Shadowheart taught Ani how to orgasm using only breathwork. Ani later described it as “witchcraft” and “the best reason to believe in God.”

🦋 Shadowheart’s brand launched a limited edition aphrodisiac serum called Nocturne Bloom. Ingredients? Rose oil, crushed pearls, and a vial of Ani’s sweat. It sold out in an hour.

🦋 Guests at last year’s Midsummer party say Shadowheart fed Ani strawberries from her mouth, then watched her make out with two men on the veranda. She clapped when it ended.

🦋 During a live Q&A, Shadowheart was asked what love tastes like. She smiled and said, “Russian cigarettes and pomegranate juice.” Ani posted a selfie that night with both. No caption.

🦋 Even after the fling ended, they still share a yurt during seasonal retreats. No one knows what goes on inside. Everyone’s dying to find out.

🦋 A new promo for Shadowheart’s Tantric Wine line features a silhouette that looks suspiciously like Ani writhing in silk. She’s never confirmed it. Neither has Shadowheart.

🦋 There’s a Saltburnt group chat with only Ani, Shadowheart, and a nutritionist named Blair. They call themselves “Orgasmic Detox.” No one knows what they do in there, but one of Ani's ex-husbands once begged to be added and got blocked.